How to deal with a Narcissist

According to Greek mythology, Narcissus was a young man who was madly in love with his own image after he saw it in a pool of water. The medical term, Narcissist Personality Disorder, has been derived from the same Greek myth. So what is narcissistic behavior?  It is an intense and exaggerated sense of self, admiration and a feeling of superiority. If you have  a narcissistic person in your life, you have already been exposed to the complexity of dealing with them. Perhaps it is your friend, boss, spouse or co-worker. Let’s explore the personality and understand how you can effectively manage these people.

 

Identification

Narcissists are egotistical, self-absorbed people. They crave constant attention for all of their supposedly wonderful traits. They must achieve status and make everyone else think they have this status. They like being envied. They have a limited capacity, if any, for caring about, understanding and listening to other people's needs and desires. Narcissists can camouflage their feelings in an immaculately deceptive fashion.  They can spin a conversation so quickly that you end up forgetting what started the argument in the first place. This is how a narcissist keeps you off balance so you cannot challenge him/her.  They often try to twist the conversation around to throw the blame for an incident on you.  They need to be right and get their own way all the time.  It’s all about them and, guess what, it’s all about them.  That’s how they roll. 

Theories/Speculation

Psychologists have not pinpointed one cause of narcissism. However, many believe that it begins in childhood when a child is either spoiled, overly dependent or lonely and deprived---or some combination of these three.  Who really cares about all the psychological mumbo jumbo?  You’re saddled with this person and you have to deal right now.

Considerations

You must have strong self-esteem and self-confidence to successfully deal with a narcissist. If you were mistreated as a child, the narcissist will take advantage of your trauma and bully you into compliance, knowing that you will eventually give in when he/she breaks you down.  If you felt like you couldn't live up to your parents' expectations, the narcissist knows you will want to please him/her and will play on this until you give in. If you were emotionally deprived or abandoned as a child, the narcissist will dote on you to suck you in, and then will begin to exert his/her power over you. Because you don't want to be abandoned again, you will do whatever the narcissist wants.

Strategy

Experts will tell you to run very far when you encounter a narcissist. However, that may not be possible if you live or work with this person. In order to deal with a narcissist effectively, you need to change your responses. Fighting back doesn't work because the narcissist feels attacked and will lash out more to convince you that he/she is right. Calmly state how you feel without blaming him/her. Tell the narcissist you will not tolerate being treated in this manner. Then tell him/her that you will be happy to listen when he/she speaks to you more respectfully.  Another tactic is to massage their ego.  You need to compliment them, make them feel respected and valued.  They love being on a pedestal.  If you want your way with them, you will have to use manipulation without them being aware.  They need their egos fed – it is similar to a drug high.  A drug addict gets nasty when you take their supply away.  Why not try a little sugar-coated candy and see if that tactic works?  It’s worth a try.  

Remember that you can't change a narcissistic person. They want to win, they need to win and they WILL win. Yes, if you give in you do accept defeat and this is at the expense of your own ego.  But dealing with a narcissist becomes just that – a battle of the egos.  The question is do you want them to win now or later?  You be the judge………………….